About JMW | Services | Contact Us

Christmas in Hornell

Some of my clients might know where Hornell, New York is, but others may not. We live in a small town in “Upstate New York” and if you’ve ever driven through the north central part of the state you understand why we live there. For those of you who haven’t, it’s simply a lovely area blessed with the stunning visual beauties of the region and the, ahem, “charms” of small town life. It’s not like we’re out in the wilderness or anything; we enjoy many of the modern pleasures that the rest of you do. Heck, we even have our own Christmas Parade.

If it’s your tradition over Thanksgiving to tune in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and you’ve seen the marching bands and floating Snoopy’s and SpongeBob Squarepants’, you might have some idea of what I’m talking about. Some years it seems like the whole City of New York turns out for their parade and a fabulous time is had by all. Heck, even famous recording stars like Barry Manilow and MC Hammer get to ride in the parade, stopping to perform various versions of their classic hits to thrill the crowds (well…in MC Hammer’s case just the one hit, but it’s a goody…and he needs the money). Yes sir, holiday parades can be quite a spectacle.

If you know what New York City’s parades are like…then you’re going to be utterly lost in Hornell. No floating cartoon characters, no Donnie and Marie, no freezing B-grade television hosts chattering their way through halting TelePrompTer phony-natural-sounding scripts. Nope. Our town is so small that since everyone loves being IN the parade, that leaves no one left to WATCH the parade.

I am not kidding. My wife and I take the kids and ride in the parade every year and we wave and wave to no one standing along the parade route.

No one cares as this is the whole point of it: we all enjoy the tradition of the parade, of all of us actually riding in the parade and of all of us having a great time of it even though there is no one there to appreciate it.

Cheering crowds are beside the point, aren’t they? Don’t we all spend just a little time every year over the holidays wondering “what’s it all about?” Have I been a “good boy” or “good girl” over this past year? Etc.

Well, I am pleased to report that we’re not the only ones who “get” the spirit of Christmas because Santa Claus himself comes to Hornell’s Christmas parade – every year. Every year that is, until this one.

Sure enough, just like each year, our kids got all excited and they set upon decorating our family truck like so many pygmy natives on an elephant kill. (We wonder how the thing has any paint left once we’re through removing tape, glue, shaving cream and shoe polish). We piled in and drove down to the staging area, waiting for the mayor to show up on the a) pontoon-boat-on-trailer b) race car c) horse drawn sleigh or d) town’s new ambulance. But come start time, no Mayor! No Santa! Fifteen minutes later, no Mayor! No Santa! 30 minutes late and no Mayor! No Santa! Then word crackles over the police chief’s radio – it turns out Hornell’s High School Football team had just scored a HUGE victory over an instate rival in the New York State Class B High School Football Championship and the mob of citizens, fans, and elected officials who had gone to the game came barreling back into town in all forms of cars, carts, bicycles, ATVs, wagons, you name it.

With the dam bursting on our town’s new sporting fortunes and some 350-plus cars and trucks pouring into town, any hope of an organized parade event went out the window and we all just started laying on the horn and heading for the high school. Rather than culminating at the tree lighting ceremony on Main Street, this year’s parade ended up in the high school parking lot for an impromptu rally and Christmas party. Firemen, Cheerleaders, and the Championship Football Team themselves all danced about in the joy of the victory.

And then, to cap off this epic day in Hornell’s history, who should arrive – right on schedule and on top of the fire engine where he belongs - the Right Jolly Old Elf Himself: Santa Claus! Needless to say, the celebration went on well into the wee small hours of the morning and I think it’s a safe bet that no rock stars, reality show “personalities”, corporate-sponsored floats, or even giant balloon cartoon characters could ever top the Hornell Christmas/State Football Championship Parade of 2009.

I would like to share more with you about life in this small town but it’s time to venture out on our annual tree expedition…(uh oh).

My wife Beeb and I, and our kids Kealan, Caitlin, Aran and Liam and all wish you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a safe and restful New Year. I look forward to seeing you all in 2010, Frank C. Kilcoyne, CSSC.