Frank C. Kilcoyne, CSSC

"You'll Shoot your Eye Out, Kid!"

The Christmas season really snuck up on me this year. Warm fall weather and other distractions got the best of me, leaving me now woefully unprepared. I am casting about for what gifts to get for whom and why.

When the kids were little, things were much easier – they gave you a list! Early pleas were populated with wonderfully expansive and imaginative choices: just one B-2 bomber, a castle like the one at Disney World, etc. But with every disappointment came experience and a growing shrewd wisdom: the kids’ lists became more tactical. Obvious first choices casually slipped down into third or fourth place. You know…the old nonchalant.

And I have to admit that strategy did prey on one admitted weakness of mine: once, just once during their time in my house, I always hoped that I could help Santa deliver to each of my kids that child’s version of “the greatest gift a kid could receive or would ever receive!”

TBS subscribers already recognize that quote (and this month’s title) from the classic holiday movie “A Christmas Story” which they run on a 24-hour marathon starting Christmas Eve. In this classic holiday movie, we find poor Ralphie Parker dropping hint after hint about what he really wants for Christmas:

“anofficialRedRydercarbineactiontwohundredshotrangemodel

  airriflewithacompassinthestockandthisthingwhichtellstime.”

The adults, however, keep missing his hints – or worse – hearing him clearly, then blasting his dreams out of the sky with that “you’ll-shoot-your-eye-out” retort.

When we had lists to work off of, you could balance out the thrill-to-disappointment ratio over the years. The kid who’s a little disappointed one year might do better the next.

But they don’t write up lists anymore. Their mother and I must now try to divine what each of our keenly independent Millennials might like. As their Father, I surely know their current likes and dislikes, right? Well, no…not really. As they all headed off in their own directions, I kinda lost track; Clueless Dad here.

There is always the easy way out: a gift card or hand-printed coupon for some promised future bequest. But those just don’t light up the eyes of recipients the way a well-chosen gift does. Imagine the look on Ralphie’s face on Christmas morning if he had received a gift card from Higbee's Department Store instead of that “blue-steeled beauty.” It's just not the same.

Cash at least gets you around the one keen sting you can’t avoid if you plan to stay in this sincere gift-giving business for any length of time: the crestfall of handing over what you were sure was going to be the wonderful gift…only to see shoulders sag and a weak smile feigning delight. Ugh. And ouch. Funny how we can hang such heavy expectations on what is supposed to be such a joyful holiday.

Of course, not getting what you really wanted is a rite of passage and an important element of growing up: learning that you can still have a wonderful holiday even with a bit of disappointment. There were surely plenty of “it builds character” discussions in our house as my four children competed in their various sports, many at a high level (including one current NCAA swimmer).

And, as they have all grown, isn’t it wonderful to see how well they’ve learned these lessons? They can now, in fact, recite them perfectly now back to me as I rant and curse and stomp my way through another anguished New York Giants football season.

“No worries, Dad. This is certainly not as bad as ‘the Fumble’ back in 1978,” says one.
“Absolutely Pops, surely no Eagles “Miracle in the Meadowlands,” adds another.
“These guys are pros Dad, they know it builds character. It will make them a better team next year” concludes a third. [sigh] Thanks kids.

The relationships change but the central good feelings only grow richer. Seeing your daughter’s face light up at the sight of a new puppy gives way to polite thanks years later for the snow tires she knows she really needs most. The important thing for us is: we are all there giving, laughing, and only sometimes crying. It calls to my mind…

“And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear”

John Lennon

My wife Beeb, our kids Kealan, Caitlin, Aran, and Liam and I all hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Festivus for the rest of us, and a safe and happy New Year. See you in 2017! Frank C. Kilcoyne CSSC.