Frank C. Kilcoyne, CSSC

The Times of Our Lives

Faithful friends and clients know that I enjoy dedicating the December edition of this newsletter to traditions and stories from my family’s colorful holiday past. Another way of saying this might be that, like the ghosts of Mr. Dickens himself, I am returned once again to roust you from your slumbers with a story from the Kilcoyne family archives...

As with many traditions, this one started out simply enough. Nearly twenty years ago in 1995, my wife’s sister “Spook” (great nickname, eh?) wanted to be able to present a gift to every person in her family with no one left out. Not a big deal - until you factor in that at the time she was a starving graduate student and had nine siblings, both her parents were still living, grandmother doing just fine thank you, and oh yes… some sibs were already married with children, adding another seven nieces and nephews to the mix.

What she came up with was elegant and simple: a family calendar. But not just any calendar - the cover of her inaugural edition was a beautifully hand-crafted collage of photos of her nieces and nephews taken throughout the preceding year. Mind you, this was before digital imaging or any sort of photo editing software. Spook herself cut, arranged, and glued every calendar by hand. Besides including all the usual holidays, as an added bonus she included all her family’s birthday and anniversary dates too.

Think of what a gift that was: hanging right there on our kitchen wall every month was a simple guide to every important family date of the year. No more trying to remember eighteen different in-laws’ birthdays and anniversaries. No more slinking to the store to find yet another “belated” card for yet another special occasion I had missed – including some in my immediate family! This modest gift was so thoughtful that it quickly became the highlight of our Christmas Day. By general acclaim it became the last gift to be handed out and everyone had to wait to open their “Spook Calendar” all at the same time.

By 1999, several more marriages and births had taken place but Spook soldiered on. In fact, she doubled down by expanding the photo montage to include all members of her family, not just the children. When the word was finally given to open calendars, there followed a great whoosh of wrapping paper and peals of laughter as everyone dove in to find themselves in the wonderful array of pictures.

With my in-laws covered, life got much simpler for Frank - that is until the year 2000, when I somehow managed to miss my own mother’s birthday. Sweet sister-in-law solved my problem by kindly adding my mom’s birthday to her family’s calendar also, forever saving me from a repeat of that shameful humiliation.

Technology arrived in 2003 and Spook now filled each significant date with photos of the honorees themselves and still more candid shots of them displayed around the borders. This calendar contained so many photos that the anticipation to open it up on Christmas Day was nearly overpowering.

As the years rolled by, Spook’s calendars marked the natural passage of time: kids got bigger, parents grew grayer (and wider) and all was going along fine until 2009, when my brother-in-law Michael and his wife Lina welcomed new son Mikey to the family. What a cute little tyke he was - and born on the same day as me: Halloween! I could hardly wait to see the calendar that year. Sure enough, when the moment arrived and I dove into my calendar, there was little Mikey grinning out from the October 31 square like a perfect little cherub. But guess who got the boot? Me! Pushed ignominiously aside - relegated to the margins!!

Thankfully, Christmas rolled back around twelve months later and in 2013 Spook updated the old matte board cover to a professionally bound version the likes of which you might see on your Snoopy calendar from MetLife or the New York Yankees classic. This was better than ever and it had been a long dry year (with a particularly lonesome October). With greater anticipation than usual, I tossed back my egg nog, unwrapped my calendar and riffled straight to October! Nope…your old buddy Frank still rides in the margin.

Alas, the 2014 “Spook Calendar” was destined to be her last. We lost my dear sweet sister-in-law a few weeks ago. Family, friends, and co-workers will all miss her boundless generosity, charm, grace, and radiant smile. The closeness of our family and the reassurance of our goofy traditions will have to get us through.

Through her calendars, Spook truly gave us all the “times of our lives”. I am pleased to report that my daughter Caitlin stepped right up and volunteered to carry on in Spook’s footsteps by publishing the calendar in 2015. It will not be the same, but I cannot think of a more fitting memorial.

I hope you all find joy in your own family traditions the way we have in ours and Beeb and I wish you a very Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and a safe and happy New Year.

Frank C. Kilcoyne, CSSC